We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
