i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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