We're facebook friends in real life
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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