dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
