dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
