and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
