Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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