His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
