Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
