So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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