Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
