Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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