3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
