You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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