I puked a lego.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
