i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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