I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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