FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
