I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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