Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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