I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
