I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
