peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
