so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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