I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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