She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
