We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
