I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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