I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
