It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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