everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
