I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
