New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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