Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
