Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
