When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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