It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
