I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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