Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
