pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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