She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
