We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
