Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
