I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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