I hate your face
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
