i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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