he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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