a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
