Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
3pm strippers are depressing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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