OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
