Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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