Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
