why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
