As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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