the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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