I've blown a few things in my day
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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